Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
