I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
