I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
