As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
