My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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