At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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