accomplished twins. life is a go
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
