I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
