just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
