You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Randomize
