I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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