Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
