Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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