So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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