you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
