i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
