I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
