whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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