I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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