i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
