i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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