and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
