i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
