Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
