I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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