I cannot find my penis.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
