Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Randomize
