i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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