it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
