Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
