I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
