the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
