well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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