My girlfriend figured out who you are.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
