You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
