so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
