"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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