I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
