life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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