Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
