I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
Randomize
