well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
