like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
