I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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