happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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