So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he thought i was a dude.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
