Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
