it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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