She's JV to your varsity
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
