She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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