I'm gonna have a badass scar
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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