worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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