I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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