it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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