I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
